A Typical Day at the English Advising Office
Cast:
Narrator
Michelle
Debbie
Bill
Peggy
office helpers
various students
ACT I
I walk up to the closed, locked door around 8:30. I look through the mail slot and say hello to Michelle. She is wearing pink shoes that perfectly match the streak in her hair, overalls, and a bright smile.
I check my email and see what new jobs I've matched for. I matched for two jobs today.
Job #1:
Job Title: OFFICE ASSISTANT
Job Number: (0) 98-05-08-05-9020 -- Date available: 05/15/1998
Monthly salary: $450 - $480 depending upon qualifications
40.00 hours per week; work hours: 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM
REQUIRED QUALIFICATIONS FOR THIS VACANCY (used for matching): a pulse rate of at least 40 beats per minute, sustained over a period of five years. (Bachelor's degree substitutes for up to four years of the AMOUNT of experience above; however, the KIND of experience is required. Fifteen undergraduate hours substitute for six months of experience, up to three and one-half years.)
FUNCTIONS: put files in filing cabinets
Job #2:
Job Title: DIRECTOR
Job Number: (0) 98-05-08-03-0382 -- Date available: 05/15/1998
Monthly salary: OPEN
40.00 hours per week; work hours: 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM
Will include evening, weekend and holiday work as required.
REQUIRED QUALIFICATIONS FOR THIS VACANCY (used for matching): Bachelor's degree. Experience in senior-level management. Experience with alumni from an institution of higher education. Experience in higher education administration. Experience in contract negotiation. Experience administering contracts. Experience advising students in an academic program setting. Experience targeting students, screening their credentials and determining eligibility for programs. Experience in educational curriculum development. Experience in academic program development. Experience with curriculum development. Experience developing and implementing special promotions. Experience developing policy. Experience developing marketing strategies. Experience in business development. Experience with direct in-person customer services. Experience providing administrative technical support. Experience assisting users in a microcomputer environment. Experience using a variety of microcomputer applications. Experience with computers. Experience using World Wide Web. Experience using Windows. Experience using Netscape. Experience using Microsoft Word. Experience using an IBM PC or compatible personal computer. Experience producing a variety of complex documents having highly technical content. Experience working with PC based computer systems, preferably Windows 95, Windows NT. Experience with military systems and applications, especially simulations. Experience as a computer systems analyst and programmer. Experience in DoD projects and programs. Experience in technical administration as well as training. Programming experience in scientific languages and relational data base management systems. Experience with military intelligence systems and applications. Excellent analytic and problem solving skills. Superior written and oral communication skills. Professional demeanor. A combination of one year of experience assisting students or greeting visitors. A combination of one year of experience as a clerical supervisor or performing complex administrative functions. Experience participating as a team member. Experience maintaining files. Experience answering a multi-line telephone. Spelling score on file. 70 wpm typing. More than three years experience in hotel negotiations and in handling hotel specification sheets. Marketing and publicity experience. Adult workshop, seminar, or conference coordination experience. Supervisory experience. Experience with UT Austin administrative mainframe computer data entry. Good grammar, spelling, punctuation, editing and proofreading skills. Experience working with a diverse student populations and with retention programs. Demonstrated excellent interpersonal and communication (written and verbal) skills. Ability to be tactful, courteous, friendly, helpful, flexible, meet deadlines, handle shifting priorities, maintain confidentiality, proofread, pay attention to detail and follow through. Demonstrated knowledge and proficiency with MS Word 5.1 and/or 6.0. Experience processing personnel appointments, reimbursements, membership vouchers, and purchase orders using the UT Austin *DEFINE accounting system. Seven years of higher education management experience. Knowledge of, and experience with, UT Austin personnel and budget management. Experience working with senior level UT Austin staff. Knowledge and understanding of health and safety issues as they relate to telecommunications operations. Demonstrated strong commitment to customer service and quality improvement concepts. Experience with: consulting for Macintosh and IBM PC-compatible microcomputers, trouble-shooting of microcomputers in LAN environments, including services such as printing, local area network administration, evaluation of microcomputer applications for hardware and network products, technical writing and editing of documentation. Extensive computer experience, both in Computer Aided Design (CAD) and computer generated scheduling, spreadsheets, and word processing. Experience in writing and editing construction specifications, such as Masterspec. Familiar with materials and methods of institutional construction, including classrooms, faculty offices and other University facilities. Experience with drafting construction standards. Experience with building and construction codes. Demonstrated ability to time schedule multiple projects. Experience as host or anchor of news program. Demonstrated skills in editing news and features for public radio. Macintosh computer literacy, including digital editing and computer-assisted reporting. Demonstrated fluency in Spanish. Work with little or no supervision. Five or more years of industry experience with exploration or production companies. Excellent computer skills. Experience conducting hydrocarbon reservoir characterization and simulation, including working with geologists. Experience participating as a team member. Successful coaching experience at the collegiate level and/or teaching experience (i.e. giving tennis lessons). Experience in teaching tennis to female students. Seven years of senior level management experience in physical plant operations. Physical plant management experience at a major research institution comparable to UT Austin or a UT System component Institution. Registered as a professional architect or engineer. Demonstrated strong commitment to customer service and quality improvement concepts.
FUNCTIONS: Interface with prospective participants and local business representatives, including implementing an effective marketing and promotional program to increase the customer and customer contact base. Interviewing and selecting program participants and counseling students with the application and admission processes. Facilitate the smooth operation of the program. Implement and maintain a high level of program quality and academic excellence. Facilitate and maintain clear lines of communication between appropriate contacts of the University (Deans, faculty, staff, etc.), Texas Instruments and area business representatives. Manage and monitor the application process, including generating various reports. Assist in the coordination of classes and seminars, including all program materials and student mailings. Handle all aspects of student registrations and graduation, including all forms for academic purposes. Assist on special projects/reports. Assist other staff members as needed during peak work periods. Provide information/referral for telephone and in-person inquiries and maintain communication with students, advisor(s), staff and faculty. Prepare, maintain, and post advising records, audits, reports, petitions, time sheets, procedures manual, correspondence and budget information. Clear advising bars, process departmental add/drops, prepare and maintain registration related reports. Use Macintosh computer and various programs to access student record information, maintain data, and generate reports. Procurement. Voucher preparation. Arrange travel and prepare authorizations and reimbursements. Answer phones and route calls. Special event arrangements. Provide information dissemination and assistance to UT Austin students, staff, parents and the public concerning services provided for retaining underrepresented minority students. Provide assistance to administrative staff with word processing, data entry, and reports on underrepresented minority populations. Coordinate other staff schedules. Provide assistance with program planning, calendar scheduling, and telephone receptionist tasks. Assist with mailings to underrepresented minority students. Assist with updating and creating brochures for the Retention Services area of the Dean of Students Office. Serve as liaison with other UT Austin offices involved with underrepresented minority students. Provide administrative back up as required for all staff in Retention Services. Proofread and edit proposals, journal manuscripts, exams submitted by faculty members with use of word-processing and graphics applications. Maintain personnel forms such as appointments of office and laboratory personnel. Submit payment vouchers for travel expenses, memberships, and registrations, scholarship awards. Establish speaker/visiting scientist itineraries to include interviews with college faculty/graduate students, create and distribute seminar notices, arrange presentation facilities, occasionally make travel and hotel arrangements. Interact with other departments as necessary. Hire and supervise work study personnel. Budgetary and administrative direction of department. Coordination of all telecommunication services with Physical Plant and Utilities Departments. Coordination of all telecommunication services with UT Austin academic and administrative units. Produces construction drawings with the supervision of staff Architects. Performs project planning and design. Coordinates involvement of civil, structural, mechanical, and electrical engineers and interior design team members. Conducts project review sessions with client, Planning and Construction Section, and work with other staff. Consults with clients and administrative officials and inspects work in progress. Ensures compliance with all relevant codes and requirements. Coordinates time scheduling of several projects at one time and prepares project estimates. Drive UT vehicle. Assist in the full production of a weekly national news and cultural affairs program. This includes participation in editorial and production meetings generating story ideas,editing news and features. Produce weekly five minute newcast and write news and communicate with contributing reporters and commentators. Produce occasional news and cultural features and assist in the planning and production of special program series. Prepare segment elements for studio production and prepare interview questions for program host as assigned. Book guest interviews for program, coordinate studio time, and book satellite feeds as needed. Write and send copy to on-line partners, DACs and use e- mail system. Represent Latino USA at industry, university, and public functions and assist in supervising and training of interns. Initiate and independently perform research on hydrocarbon reservoir characterization and simulation. Supervise the work of student research assistants. Write contract reports, publish papers, and make frequent oral presentations of research results. Budgetary and administrative direction of the department. Coordination of all physical plant services with major building programs. Administrative direction of all architectural and engineering projects. Administrative direction of physical plant services for Pickle Research Campus. identifying, evaluating, and recommending resources available through non-traditional means such as the internet and CD-ROM. Planning and implementing vendor and/or in-house training in use of these resources for library staff, faculty, and students. Works closely with Department Heads, and other staff who are responsible for collection development, reference services, and bibliographic instruction, in order to integrate the use of appropriate electronic resources into the law library's collections and services. Responsible for working with established database providers such as Lexis-Nexis and Westlaw to ensure the suitability and success of their efforts to train staff, faculty, and students in the use of their products. Review and make recommendations to library administration regarding licensing agreements for electronic resources. Advise on selection of hardware and application software for library staff, and develops strategic planning upgrading both. Serve as the Web Administrator for the Library's Web site. Other duties as assigned.
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"I have a quick question. Is professor Kaulbach teaching in the fall?"
"No."
"Okay, thanks."
I look outside and Michelle is chatting with some guy about whether he should get his degree or become a truck driver.
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"Hi. I'm like trying to, um, register, and all the 316K class are full."
"Come down to the office and speak with Michelle Moore. Sometimes she can help."
"So I need to come down to the office?"
"Yes."
"Okay thanks."
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"Is this the English advising office?"
"Yes."
"I have a quick question. If I get a D in a class does it count toward my major?"
"No."
"Okay, well this is a correspondence class."
"Okay, well it still doesn't count if you get a D."
"So there's no way around that?"
"No."
"Umm...are you sure?"
"Yes."
"Okay, thanks."
I go to get an iced tea, but the machine doesn't take pennies, so I change my ten pennies to two nickels, but the machine doesn't take nickels, either.
I come back into the office, thirsty, and Michelle is talking to a man who is sitting in the chair next to her desk about what bands are playing tonight.
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"Hi. Is Professor Kaulbach teaching this fall?"
"No, he's not."
"Awwwwww, man!"
The phone rings.
"Hi. I have a quick question. I'm trying to register for a 316 class and TEX tells me there are no more open sections. Are you guys adding any more sections?"
"No, but if you come down and talk to Michelle Moore she can sometimes help."
"So I have to come down to your office?"
"Yes."
"I can't just talk to her over the phone?"
"No."
"Okay, thanks."
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"I have a quick question. Can I take classes at ACC and UT at the same time?"
"If you are in the College of Liberal Arts you can, yes."
"Well, I'm in the College of Liberal Arts."
"Well then you can."
"And there's, uh, no problem with that?"
"Excuse me?"
"Uh, there's no problem with that?"
"There's no problem as far as the UT administration is concerned. I can't speak for ACC."
"Aw, they don't care."
"Well we don't either."
"Excuse me?"
"You are free to be enrolled simultaneously at UT and ACC."
"Uh, okay, great, thanks."
Several members of Sigma Tau Delta walk in and begin chatting with Michelle about the party they're having at the end of the week.
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"Hi. I have a quick question. I want to take creative writing with Dr. Harris but in the schedule it says there is a nine lower-division hours prerequisite. I don't have the nine hours, but I want to take the class. How can I get around that rule?"
"The nine-hour prereq is strictly enforced."
"So there's no way I can get into this class?"
"Well, the reason there is a nine hour prereq is because we want all entrants to have nine hours of lower division english before they take this class."
"So there's no way I can get into this class?"
"We don't make any exceptions to this rule. The chairman is adamant."
"So there's no way I can get into this class? Can I talk to the professor?"
"Well, the English Department has a policy that the professors refer those kind of concerns back to us. This rule is designed to protect the professors who don't want to be inundated with students asking them for special permission."
"So there's no way I can get into this class?"
"We have to reserve a majority of the seats in our upper division classes for English majors, so that they can progress in their degree."
"So there's no way I can get into this class?"
The phone rings.
"English--"
"Hi. All of the 316K classes are full. I need to graduate next semester and I have a tendency to be suicidal. Can you help me?"
Peggy walks in carrying four newspapers. Michelle and Peggy start talking about how cute one of the English grad students is.
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"I have a quick question. In those 316K courses, is attendance required?
"That depends on the professor."
"Okay. How about Professor Carter?"
"You would have to ask Dr. Carter."
"So you don't know?"
"No."
"What about Professor McHenry?"
"I don't know the policies of any of the individual instructors. You might find useful information in the course descriptions available on the web."
"So you don't know about Professor McHenry?"
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"I have a quick question. What are your hours?"
"Monday through Friday 9-5."
"So you're not open on Saturday?"
Debbie walks in. She's exasperated.
Michelle looks up from her conversation. She and her friend were talking about how taking a class from Dr. Lewis is just like getting married.
The phone rings.
"Hi. I have a quick question. I didn't take 306 but I want to take that 314 Banned Books class."
"306 is a prerequisite for 314."
"Well I wanted to, uh, well, how do I get around that?"
"It is the opinion of the English Department policymakers including the chairman that students should, before taking 314, have credit for 306. That's why 306 is listed as a prerequisite. If you have questions about this policy, I can transfer you to one of the advisors and they can address the issue in greater detail."
"So there's no way around that?"
"It is a strictly enforced prerequisite."
"There has to be somebody I can talk to. Can I speak to the professor?"
"It is not my place to grant or deny permission for you to contact a professor."
"Excuse me?"
Michelle and her STD's are getting somewhat boisterous. They are discussing the advantages and pitfalls of being bisexual.
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"Hi I have a quick question. I took a course in the Engineering school, before I changed my major to English, that I want to count as one of my Area V's, you know the 'comparative or interdisciplinary' area."
"Well, uh, what course was it?"
"EE 325, Electromagnetic Engineering."
"I don't think that can count for an English Area D requirement."
"Why not?"
"It sounds unrelated to English."
"There's no way around that?"
The phone rings.
"English advising office..."
"Hi."
It's a girl with a deep texas accent.
"I was looking in the book with all the classes in it. The, uh..."
"The Fall course schedule?"
"YES!! That's the book. Anyway I need to take English 316K."
[pause]
"Okay."
"Yes. Well, anyway, one of them says, 'Masterworks of Lit: American' and one of them says, 'Masterworks of Lit: British.' What's the difference?"
"Well in the former class, you study American literature, in the latter, British."
"Huh?"
"In the class called, 'Masterworks of Lit: American' you read books written by American people. In the class called 'Masterworks of Lit:British' you read books written by British people."
"OOOOOOOOOOhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Okay. Thanks!"
Michelle goes out to smoke with one of her friends.
The guy from Denmark whom I have been playing in chess over the internet takes a bishop, achieving a material advantage.
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"Is this the advising office?"
"Yes."
"I have a quick question--"
"I'll be the judge of how quick it is."
"Excuse me?"
"How can I help you?"
"Is Kaulbach teaching in the fall?"
"You mean Dr. Kaulbach?"
"Uh, yeah."
"No."
Bill walks in. He's dressed magnificently in a tight, trendy sweater with sharp linen pants and polished brown shoes. He interrupts Michelle, who is chatting about her cat with Phillip, and asks her why no one has signed in. Michelle replies by asking why every course description on the web has an error of some sort.
The phone rings.
"English advising..."
"Hi I want to take a senior seminar."
"We use the phone registration process to sign up for classes."
"Right well TEX won't let me in."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"Are you an English major?"
"No, but I feel qualified to take the class."
"Have you taken you nine hours of lower division English?"
"Well actually the only English I have credit for is 306, but I heard great things about this teacher."
"The senior seminars are reserved for English majors."
"There's no way around that?"
"Petition with Dr. Faulkner, in the Main building room 400."
Michelle is getting upset at somebody she's talking to on the phone, saying that this is the busiest time of the year and that she was at the office until seven last night, and that she can't take these kind of requests over the phone.