libido explained

reuben strayer

may 2004

It's easy to think of sex drive as a simple desire. With some experience, however, we recognize that our reasons for wanting sex evolve with our relationships.

For better or worse, the male Darwinian imperative manifests itself as a desire to spread one's seed as far and wide as possible. We are programmed such that as soon as the sexual act has been completed, the partner has fulfilled her biological role and, unless more evolved cognition supervenes, has no further use. We also enjoy the actual physical sensation of sex, and derive some pleasure from making our partner happy, but these are relatively minor benefits.

Note that on the second encounter the motivation to conquer has evaporated, as the towering castle of a woman you met earlier has by the force of your charm and good looks been reduced to a helpless pile of rubble. Though there remains a remnant of sexual desire, its magnitude is usually eclipsed by the desire to sleep.

As a relationship matures, the forces that govern the behavior of lower animals give way to higher desires, and sex becomes an implement for achieving intimacy with your partner. It is one of the great jokes played on man, however, that these more evolved impulses are comparatively weak and thus easily subjugated by our basic instinct to mate with more partners, which undermines the very intimacy that uncontaminated might allow for the more lasting benefits of a life shared.