SCENE 19

Scene 19 opens with Dr. Waller sitting on the table in front of 200 very eager just-turned-third year students in the auditorium. She is in the middle of her speech.

dr. waller

You all will find that things operate very differently during the third year. Most of you have been classroom students your entire lives; that ends tomorrow morning.

Cut to Richard, dressed in slacks, shirt and tie, nametag prominently pinned on, wearing an immaculately pressed white coat with all sorts of accoutrements neatly organized in the pockets, he looks totally put together, exactly the opposite of what we just saw post-call. Richard is standing outside in front of Parkland Hospital, the main entrance, camera pans around to accentuate the grandeur of the third year student on his first day, walking in to the hospital for the first time. Several gowned patients are outside, one of them is smoking while taking oxygen by nasal cannula. We continue to hear Dr. Waller offscreen, along a background of street noises and patients chatting outside.

Dr. waller (OS)

Tomorrow morning you will wake earlier than you're accustomed to and go to the hospital. In so doing you will have completed the transition from the lecture hall to the wards, from multiple choice exams to patients, from the #2 pencil to the stethoscope.

Cut back to Dr. Waller.

dr. waller

During the first two years you all have been the center of attention - the lectures, labs, and mock patients have been coordinated solely for your benefit. You will soon realize that as a medical student on the wards you serve a more peripheral role. In fact, third year students are generally regarded as more of an annoying appendage than a contributor, like a mosquito attached to that place in your back you just can't reach.

Cut back to Richard, walking into the hospital, looking up and around, taking in the sites of the chaotic Parkland ACC/first floor foyer.

Dr. Waller (OS)

Or really more like a leech than a mosquito, because you will find that all the information you've been dutifully memorizing for the past two years is completely useless on the wards, and you will constantly feel in need of advice and direction. No, no, not a leech either, because a leech can effectively draw blood. The third year student is just a god damned pain in the ass for patients, resident physicians, and hospital support staff.

Cut back to Dr. Waller.

Dr. waller

We didn't teach you anything about how to take care of patients, how a hospital works, or how to succeed in your new roles, so for the next year you'll be a nuisance to the entire campus trying to figure it out.

Cut back to Richard, who finishes up being awed by the hospital and realizes he's got somewhere to be. He takes out a sheet of paper that tells him where to report and starts to walk with some purpose, though he has obviously has no idea where he's going.

Dr. waller (OS)

But don't worry, you will be tolerated because everyone knows that in order to be a doctor you must first be a third year student. So go forth and heal, young physicians, but more importantly stay the hell out of the way while real doctors try to get their patients out of the hospital.

As Dr. Waller recites this last sentence Richard, who while walking aimlessly starts to read the directions on his paper, then trips on a huge garbage bag sitting in the middle of the hall and falls dramatically, spilling most of the contents of his lab coat on the ground. A janitor, who was standing nearby talking to a friend, turns around.

janitor

You okay, guy?

Richard

Oh yeah, no problem. Today's my first day in the hospital.

Richard gets up and gathers his belongings. Janitor looks at his watch.

Janitor

Shit, it's July first. For the next month I'm going to have to put up with you third years tripping all over my garbage. Why don't you spread the word: I LEAVE GARBAGE BAGS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALL WHILE I CHAT WITH MY BUDDIES. WATCH OUT FOR THEM.

Richard finishes straightening up and walks away.

Richard

I'll do that.

Janitor

Hey, you missing something?

Janitor pulls out Richard's stethoscope from the garbage bag. It's dripping with slime. Richard hurries back and grabs it, then walks away.

Richard

Thanks.

Camera stays with janitor and garbage bag. Janitor picks up the bag, throws it over his back. It's slowly dripping yucky garbage drip. Music changes to fast-paced funky garbage bag montage music. As we follow the janitor down the hall, he passes a man who is hemorrhaging from his head. Hemorrhage man asks janitor where the ER is, and the janitor, without breaking stride or even looking at this man, points down another hall.

Continuing on, he passes a drunkard who asks him if he could spare some change. He passes a grossly obese lady who asks him where McDonalds is. Fast forward down the hall, some stairs, out into a ward, where the nursing station is vacant. Across the hall, behind a closed door, all the nurses are in the break room playing cards. They are excited to see the janitor, and he sits down and plays a hand (all in fast forward). Out he goes, up to another floor.

As he approaches the crossroads he passes two young men crouched up against the wall wielding a guns, obviously scared about what's around the corner. The janitor puts the garbage bag in front of him and turns the corner. Halfway down the hall two guys are lying on their stomachs wielding guns, with a third creeping along the wall toward the two other guys around the corner. They all fire at the janitor, but he is shielded by the garbage. After a few rounds of ammunition are emptied into the bag they stop firing, and apologize as he passes them.

Continuing on for a bit, janitor runs into three pregnant hispanic ladies with their husbands. One of them says, "señor," and the janitor know immediately what's going on. He puts down the garbage bag, and walks up to the first lady. He lifts up her shirt, pulls the elastic waistband of her pants, and looks down at her pelvis. After evaluating the perineum, he sends her to the fourth floor, using hand signals to signify elevator and fourth floor. He repeats this for primagravid #2. When he examines #3, however, he notes that she is too far along to make it up to the fourth floor so he quickly delivers her and sends her up to the fourth floor, along with her newborn and grateful husband.

Continuing on, janitor walks into Medical Records (display Medical Records sign). There are no workers in sight, and he walks past the desk, up and down and around miles of records, and ends up in the back of the storeroom, where a dozen medical records staff are playing Twister.

Back out into the hall, a man is slumped down against the wall, unconscious. Janitor stops and takes a carotid pulse. He's dead. Janitor pulls out another very large bag from his toolpouch belt and puts the corpse in it. He picks up the garbage bag and throws it over his back, and starts down the hall, carrying the garbage and dragging the corpse. At the next intersection Richard appears, he's still lost, carrying the same paper. Richard is excited to see somebody he knows.

Richard

Hey! Are we in the Y building?

Janitor nods.

Richard

Finally. Do you know where nine south is?

Janitor nods him in the right direction. Richard thanks him and runs down the hall, camera follows.

End scene 19.